Envy is a Waste of Time

As much as I try to stop myself, jealousy is hard to control. As bad as I think it is, it is something beyond my power. Sometimes when I see people my age, even younger, prosper in the world and watching my dreams being fulfilled in their form, or even worse someone I know heading towards that goal way faster than I am able to, at the moment, I am hit by this pang of jealousy and its soars, oh its sores far and deep into me.

You know, it hurts. It hurts me really bad to not be able to full fill my dreams. It de-motivates me, and even though I’m just 17 years old right now, I feel like it’s just too late for my dreams to come true now. But being 17 isn’t so old you say? It isn’t supposed to be, however in today’s world it is. Kids, children, teenagers, they’ve done SO MUCH within just the 17 years that they have lived, but what have I done? Nothing. Have I changed someone’s life? Influenced them in any possible way? I don’t think so. To me the past 17 years seems like a waste, I should’ve used those years, maybe by now I would’ve been on the way to progress.

I guess the problem is that I’m too ambitious. I can’t see people go ahead of me as I just stand there and watch them go by. I need to walk beside them, keep up the pace, and somewhere along the walk even go ahead, because it’s all just a huge race. But maybe, just maybe, my dream is not the final dream of mine. Maybe I am yet to further shape it. Of course everyone has the same dream as mine. To be known, to be wanted, to be something or someone in this world. And of course out of a 100 teenagers (my age) only 1 is able to progress at such an age. I’m just like everyone else. Isn’t that a good thing? No, it’s not. Because that just makes me ordinary. But I guess that’s what I’ve always been, am and will be.

I shall not give up though. Hope still lingers within me. Because by the time I’m 50 I sure do not want to hear myself say: Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.