A Glint Of Hope

The following story was written almost 9 months ago, 3 months after I moved to Canada for Deborah Ellis's new book, I have no idea if she's still working on it so I guess I'll just post it here.

On a fine Saturday morning I woke up and stretched my arms. I could hear the birds chirping and I looked around my room. ‘Wait…my room?’ I was confused. ‘Where am I?’ I asked myself. I got out of my bed and stood in the middle of an unfamiliar room. Confusion and bewilderment crossed my heavy-eyed face and then it hit me. I was in my new room. I was in Canada.

Three months ago my mom told me we were going to Canada soon. She was sure. A week after that she wasn’t sure, a week after that she was sure again. So the plan would change…once, twice, thrice…and would keep on changing. And through all that I would cry tears of dismay and sometimes tears of happiness.

I had finally accepted the truth that we were going to go, all my friends knew and all those who had been with me since 16 years. It was hard, very hard. Leaving my best friends, with whom I had such a strong bond, leaving my cousins with whom I had spent my whole life, leaving my school where everyone knew me, a place where everyone had voted for me to fulfill my dream of becoming the head girl of my school and accepting the fact I was going to a place where I knew absolutely no one.
My mom would make me understand that how family time is of more importance, the very reason we had to move to Canada to live with my brother and my dad. I absolutely agreed with her, but flipping someone’s life from one side to an extremely different side is torture. This reminds me of how in grade 1 I had a rabbit as my pet; I named her ‘Mushi’. My mom decided she had had enough with all the mess the rabbit made and we decided to give Mushi a new home. My school had a Rabbits cage, where so many rabbits would play around in that little world of theirs. We placed Mushi in that cage. And I could see the sadness and the feeling of loneliness in those brown eyes. It looked so different from all those huge red eyed rabbits. Every day I would pass by her and find her alone in an isolated corner. She hated that place. She wanted to go back to the home I had made for her. But she had no choice.

Just like that, I had no choice, and after so many farewells and goodbyes, gifts and tears, smiles and frowns, the day that I dreaded for long had arrived. I braced myself with a deep breath and entered the plane. Goodbye my friends and my well wishers. Farewell Pakistan. Take care.

For a person who loves the voyage in airplanes, this was one boring and dreary journey. But as I put my head down to walk through the lane of my memories again, just as I had been doing since the past few days, the next thing I knew I was in Canada.

I spent the first few weeks in my bed crying, I didn’t even feel like talking to my old friends. I was just too hurt. They reminded me of all the beautiful things I had left behind. I called it ‘The start of my new life’.

Finally High school started, I was scared. I had never been so scared in my whole life. I had learned a lot about high schools through movies, and they told that high schools are about mean girls, about bullying, about the nerds and about drugs etc. But out of all those my biggest fear was being alone. I had never been alone in my whole life, except for that very day. ‘Okay, maybe I was wrong.’ I thought to myself. People are not really mean. So far I have encountered no mean girls or bullies. Everyone is pretty nice in the classes I’ve been too. But once you’re out of class and if you pass them by and smile at them, they will ignore you. That seemed mean. But I could bear that. In the café I would sit alone, look at friends laughing out at their mates jokes, which reminded me of my own friends. Every step within that high school reminded me of my past. I just couldn’t do anything. It was hard, very hard. I remember going to the washroom and crying. But I gathered up some courage and thought I’ll be brave now.

A few days went by and I started facing some issues at home. My mom thought my tone of how I talk to her had changed. Maybe it was because I had started speaking a bit more English at home than I usually did. And in my first language there is a difference in words of how to address someone with respect even informally unlike in the language of English.

A week went by and I had made a few friends. That was quick, I realized I had to be more outspoken and confident so I worked more upon that and started to get to know more people.

It has been a month since I moved to Canada, I have made a lot of friends by now and school is getting really interesting, it keeps me busy with so many things but I like it. I volunteer to help in so many things, I am now a part of many school clubs and probably that’s how I was able to make so many friends within such a short time. I can’t say I’ve made true friends though. I had accepted that it was time to turn over a new leaf. I just needed some time to adjust. Life is struggle and mine still is like a battle. As things are getting harder for me still, every day or so an issue might rise in my home concerning me, or my parents worrying about me. I understand they will be concerned often. After all I am in a totally new place. But still, I can say one thing for sure that the worst has passed by and maybe I can look towards some better days, if not extremely good ones.

This brings me back to the tale of my beloved rabbit, Mushi. Mushi had no choice but to stay in that cage and accept it as her new home. A few weeks after Mushi moved there I realized I couldn’t find Mushi. This worried me, I got so tense, my eyes searched for her in every isolated corner but I couldn’t find her! ‘Oh…wait…maybe that’s the problem, I’m just looking in isolated corners!’ I thought. ‘But then, where else could she be?’ I questioned myself. As I looked at the bunch of rabbits that originally lived in this cage before Mushi had arrived, I spotted a brown eyed rabbit amongst those red eyes rabbits, I could even see a glint of red in Mushi’s brown eyes. Maybe they had accepted her after all. Maybe Mushi was becoming like them. It could be either, but at least it gave her hope.

Hope is exactly what I’m left with, a hope to settle within this new place. Despite the countless struggles and perils I am facing, a hope to stay the old me and try not to change so that my parents don’t complain and a hope to still stay in touch with my old friends, which we so far are. Since I believe distances don’t matter. I just need to be strong and determined.